Happy List :)

Here are some things that make me super happy!! :)
Mission trips
Girls in Cambodia
Southeast asia
Tibetan jackets
The Obrien family
Long deep talks with interesting people
Hot weather
Taking cute pictures
Getting hotdogs at home depot with my dad and brother
New clothes
Reading my bible
Playing cards
Long car rides with radio on and windows down
Secret hiding places
Tye dye
Free time
Hearing I lOVE YOU
Old people
Riding horses
Ihop Choco pancakes
Sweat pants in the winter
Pranking with liz
Friendship bracelets
Cowboy boots
Performing well for people
Working out
Being held from behind
God time
Old beautiful churches
Finding something new about God
Kit kats
Small kids
Watching movies at home
Curly hair
My moms cooking
Getting notes
iTunes cards
Hot air balloons
Pretty dresses
Cool backpacks
Feeling passionate about something
Football games
Vanilla coke
Brown eyes
Furnace prayer room
Being in the kings prescence
Healthy food
Powerful verses
Silly bands
Disney world
Reading good books
Listening to new music
Solving riddle games
The name plate game
Pedicures and manicures
Trucker hats
Rainy days
Godley guys
Straight teeth
Good grades
Purity rings
Faded jeans
Beautiful sunsets
Great photography
Getting flowers
Air conditioning
Green grass
Giving great birthday gifts
Praying for my husband;this generation;my school
Going out for pizza
Slumdog millionaire
Hip hop
Lime green
Red robin fries
Chocolate chip cookies
Best friends
Cory asbury
Rhiannon and lea
Getting a tan
Jet skiing
French fries
Michael hodges
Beautiful eyes
Great smiles
Wearing no makeup
Seeing my family
Spending the day at the lake with friends
Spending time with God in the mountains
Shaved legs
Huge posters
Hosting the radio
Huge red trucks
Josh duhnammel
Holding hands
Repeting funny things people say
Funnel cakes
Pick up lines
Side hugs
Awkward people
Matthew stavrose
People who know who they are
Faith ponti
Stefan and candace
Air force games



++''the more time you spend in prayer, the more you feel like you don't spend enough time in prayer. the human soul can only slowly discover that God is infinite. the more you pray, the more you realize there is so much to explore in God. He slowly but surely becomes a beautiful Addiction, a Craving that keeps you coming back.''++~Matthew Makar~


saying nothing

I love reading good blogs... honest and interesting blogs... Its so cool how people express themselves by blogging because me? well I cant stare at a computer screen and feel inspired. And I CAN NOT share my deepest thoughts with the world... it just bugs me. ALOT.

Sometimes wish I was like that though, describing all my thoughts on the internet hoping that the world loves my words....

but Im content with my journal and a deep coversation with my best freinds...

But If I was to make a list for you what Im thinking about it would be this.

1) my school day tomorrow

2) a boy. a boy I would do anything to stop thinking about. ugh.

3) my future husband

4) my bible

5) my prayer meeting.

jeez now im hoping you dont see me as super shallow.

Well I have no words to contribute to your life.... I just thought I'd say something... even if it was dumb. So heres me, having plenty of things to say and waiting for the right time... did that sound smart? ok.......


Wasting Time

Im Not to sure why Im doing this considering how early I have to wake up tomorrow but im waiting for a ton of music to upload to my ipod so what the heck Ill waste a little time! :)

My 100 Truths.
1. Real Name – Elizabeth Joy Ramsdell
2. Like It – ya it salright :)
3. Single or Taken– SINGLE! :)
4. Zodiac Sign – cancer
5. Male or Female – Female.
6. Elementary – TCA!
7. Middle – TCA!!!!
8. High – TCA!!!! AAAHHHH!
9. College – Mmmm.. I dunno. I'll do what God wants me to. but im likin Bama Crimson Tide ;)
10. Hair Color – brown
11. Eye Color - BLUE :)

12. Hair Length – medium :/ I cut it

13. Current Worry – Im gonna be sooo tired tomorrow!
14. Race – B.L.A.C.K. :) haha jk Im white :)
15. Are you a health freak?- I wish i was but no I eat what I like :)
16. Height – hahaha im sort :/
17. Do you have a crush on someone? – JESUS YES! :)
18. Do you like yourself? - Sure do!
19. Piercings – Ears
20. Tattoos – Nope
21. Righty or Lefty – Righty

22. First Surgery – my mouth :/
23. First Piercings – Ears
24. First Best Friend – Savannah Lewis :)
25. First Award – hah. I won the history contest in like kindergarten!!
26. First Sport – Basketball yo! Imma baller :)
28. First Vacation - Colorado
29. First Teacher – Mrs. jenifer
30. First Crush – uhmmmmmmm like Nick Zenger I think haha

31. Orange or Apple Juice – apple juice.
32. Rock or Rap – Mmm... As long as it's christian, both!
34. Nsync or Backstreet Boys - uhmmmmm neither thanks :)
35. Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera – yuck. & yuck.
36. Night or Day – Nights usually. But both during summer!
37. Sun or Moon – Both. :)
38. Tv or Internet – internet.
39. Playstation or Xbox - neither
40. Kiss or Hug - hugs
41. Iguana or Turtle – Turtle!!!!
42. Spider or Bee - Oh my gosh neither.
43. Fall or Spring – ffaaalllll :) so beautiful!
44. Limewire or iTunes – iTunes
46. Soccer or Baseball – SOCCER O YA!

50. Drinking – nothing!!!
51. I'm about to – sleeeeeep
53. Singing – hold n - Abandon
54. Typing – a;sldkjfasldjfalsjd, stupid question.

55. Want Kids - not right now.
56. When – After I get married.
57. Want to get married – fo sho.
58. When – Whenever God wants me to.?
59. Where do you want to live – SOUTHEAST ASIA....... thats all thanks :)
60. How many kids do you want – hmmmm three :)
62. What did you want to be when you were little – missionary :) hey wait!
64. Mellow Future or Wild – Wild for Jesus!
67. When do you want to die - When I'm old. very very VERY old

68. Lips or Eyes – eyes. duh.
69. Hugging or Kissing - hugs
70. Shorter or Taller – Taller
71. Tan Skinned or Light – Tan.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous – Both
73. Dark or Light Hair - dark

74. Muscular or Normal – MUSCULAR!! haha. but not too muscular cause thats just gross
75. Hook-up or Relationship – Relationships.
76. Similar to you or different – uhmmmm attrative.

78. Kissed a stranger – Nope.
79. Drank Bubbles – NOOO
80. Broken a bone – haha........... uh yes
81. Climbed up a tree – YA!
82. Broken someones heart – alsjdfldgh
83. Turned someone down – Yep.
84. Had your heart broken - mhmm...
85. Liked a friend as more than a friend – yep

86. Yourself –Most of the time
87. Miracles – Absolutely.
88. Love at first sight - nope.
89. Santa Claus – nahhh man

90. Kiss on first date –Nooooo.
91. Angels – of course!

92. Are there people you want to be with right now? - hanging out with them??? yes
93. Who - My friends
94. Like someone – no i dont!

95. Text Message - sweet :) Thanks so much! - preston coles
96. Received Call – uh idk
97. Call Made - my father
98. Facebook Message – faiths number!!! I LOVE HER!
99. Missed Call – my father. ahahha
100. Last hungout with – Savannah! :)



Two of my best guys friends and my sisters very best friend have moved in the past few months. Its hard standing there thinking back at every joke, every hug, every football game, every school dance, every prayer meeting, every church service when me and my friends got there three hours eary and three hours late to work our butts off to serve. When I think about our prayer meetings especially or the times when me zach and matt and my friend savannah would go to coffee and talk.... im sad because those were the best times. When Gods prescence was there something beyond friendship happend. I know Im 14.... more tragic things are bound to happen, but it seems to me that in my perfect little colorado springs new life church world im starting to beg God for something constant.

I remember times in the furnace prayer room and we would all the crying and praying together cause God would just throw his flame on us all at the same time and we would all be broken. Ive been extremely lucky to have these guys in my life. Zach Parsley was the most sarcastic, pessimistic guy out there and that was just the way we loved him :) he was hilarious, and retarted all at the same time. Matt Stavrose and me were so close. He was my big brother, both of them were but me and matt really were like best friends. We shared the same birthday, and locker :) We sat next to each other to and back from germany and we just had fun together. He told me how girls were so annoyingly emotional and I told him how I hated how savannah and I always faught over everything. I am emotional. So here I am crying that tonight was the last night Ill see matt for a really long time. Zach moved months ago.... I cryed then too.

Role Model

Is this woman not amazing???? Shes on AMERICAN IDOL proclaiming the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. The Judges comments are funny and retarted but man..... she can sing baby :) She can sing.

SO! new blogs set up! Im gonna start finding videos and posting them and blogging about them. sounds kewl? haha well see how it goes!! :)




I just realized that its only 10am. I laughed when I realized because Im usually not up this early but I have been up for hours and hours and I still have a whole day left! I found this new song called Take My Hand by Shawn McDonald.

This song makes me so so so happy :) Im gonna make a collage ( or however you spell it) of all the things that make me really happy and put some of the lyrics from this song on there :) As Im writing out all the things that make me really happy it really is sort of a self discovery process.... just learning one more side of myself. I dont know why some of these things make me happy... they just do. things like eating ice when all my drink is gone from the cup make me happy.
im a freak. i know thanks anyway.
but seriously!!! try making a list of all the things that make you really happy... think about really hard to, think about what you do on a daily basis that you just... LIKE doing, that maybe even have become a habit for you :)

Good day :)


Lets be real.

Have you ever felt like you were totally on top of the world?

lets call it your happy place.
Where you feel the most free, the most confident, the most......
happy. The place where you dream your craziest dream. Does anybody else wish that life came with that little soudtrack thats always playing in the background? I do... All the time.

I dont really know what to write about I just know that I have about 100 drafts saved on this thing from blogs Ive started and then quickley lost inspiration and gave up. So Im just gonna be real. The intro up there at the top.... really are my real thoughts that I just dont know how to write it. Its just in my head. Kinda like a dream! you know when you have a crazy dream and you try to explain it someone but you just cant, because in the dream it totally made sense but.... when you try explaining it you realize how confusing and "made up" it sounds. Thats how my life seems right now. Hard to explain, hard to figure out when Im talking about it... or..... blogging about it. But God, crazy enough, is moving in all of this. Hes humbleing me and teaching me to trust in him and not to lean on my own understanding. He is helping me to get over who I think I am and he is showing me who I am really am..... but then he reminds me.

" I love you anyways."

Through this whole 40 day fast I havent really had that hard of a time, aside from the normal temptations. But I have had a hard time sleeping. Three nights ago I had a "episode" or something and basically I panicked in my sleep and I couldnt wake up. My moms been giving me sleeping pills so I can fall asleep. But last night I just heard God calm my heart over and over again. Im learning that the place of God can just wash away all fear, all anxiety and give complete, supernatural, internal rest...... and it restores all joy.
He Is My Peace.


God answers prayers

I have this box. Its under my bed and everytime that I have prayer that I want answered I write it on a peice of paper, date it and slip it into the box. I do this to remind me that once I slip the paper into the box its no longer my problem, but its Gods will. Its my own little trust exercise. Well a couple months ago I slipped a piece of paper in there that said " I need a friend to talk to..... pleace Lord." Well he answers prayers. I have a friend named Zac. Now although I dont talk to him about some other things I can talk to about with my girlfriends, I can talk to him about almost anything. I have been more inside my own little mind lately in this past year than ever have been before, and trust me Im a space cadet so thats saying alot. I havent wanted to talk about things with my usual friends. I have four main best friends at school and three outside of school. I havent wanted to really talk to them. I have thought about it in my own heart, prayed about it, and talked with my parents about it. Now when I say it I just mean life itself. The good and the bad. I have come to the conclusion that Gods just moving through me, and I just need to take the time to understand myself and listen to his movements. Well tonight I had this God moment and began writing. From the first line I knew I was writing to Zac, but I wasnt exactely sure If I was going to give it to him or not. I am. I did. Here is the answer to the prayer I prayed three months ago. Through just writing this note to a best friend God showed me a few parts of who I am. He showed he that he designed me with a purpose, that he didnt just wing it but that he knit me together with complexity. Im scared of messing up. Not just messing up but failing. Not pleasing my parents, not having good grades, not pleasing God, giving up, not winning a game or a race. Im sometimes even scared of that along the road I will get scared and give up. Its something I cant do anything about but offer it up to God. I am a big picture kind of girl. The dreaming come so so easily but the small individual details.... the WORK part.... Im not great at.
Im so so so much like my dad its ridiculous. Im intest like him. Im athletic like him. Im a dreamer like him. I have brown hair, blue eyes, and tan skin like him. Im like my mom though too. I tend to be introvert sometimes, and retreat to myself before anyone else. I have a shy side. I dread talking to and meeting new people. I see nothing wrong with the people already in my life. Thats why I was on the visitor team in Burn. Because it was out of my comfort zone. I dont like a messy house like my mom, and one of my love languages is quality time like hers. But there are parts of me that are wholey Elizabeth. They are not geneticely passed down, but specifically placed there because God designed me that way. I HATE fingerpainting.... I hate being messy or sticky or slimy period. After i put food in my mouth I always subconciously play with my fingers. I get tired everyday around 5 o'clock. When I bite food I bite it perfectely straight. I want to play the ukelale and Im stragley good at arcade games.
I told him all this. This is a friend. My friend. :)


I will never leave you

In five days my best friend would have died a year ago.

I listen to this song and remember the most horrifying night of my whole life. I have been attacked by a drunk women, crushed by a motercycle, had a gun pointed at me and still.... this was the scariest, loneliest night I have ever expirienced. Now this is not to make anyone feel sorry for me and pity my writings. No I would not like that, I just want to reflect on how I am feeling at the moment and show you an amazing healing process both me AND my best friend went threw. My best friend had cancer for a year before he died. He was in pain.... ALOT. Most of the time you couldnt tell but sometimes It was in his face.... pain, his body hurt. But his sould and his heart was more alive than ever. He fought like a beast and prayed like a warrior. He prayed for healing and for faith yes, but he prayed for other people. For his hostpital mates to heal and to walk again. Ian was healed from cancer at the beginging of eighth grade. I rememeber walking into our youth group and him running to me telling me how me was healed, I instantely dropped to my face and cryed and thanked God. We had waited so long, and prayed so hard and he was finally healed! Then Thorn started and my best friend had a seizure which put him into a comma. Yes the cancer was gone from the previous position, but now it was in his brain. My best friend has brian cancer. MINE. I screamed alot, cryed alot, and prayed alot. I went to the hospital alot to. I remember going one night with one of my other best friends savannah, I held his hand and for the first time saw him respond while in his comma. He sqeezed my hand.... hard. I looked at his face. His tired, desperate, peaceful, beautiful face. He was trying so hard to open his eyes, to say something, maybe to say it was going to be alright, maybe God told him something and my best friend wanted me to know.... That is something he would do. Whatever it was it filled my eyes with tears. A week later, he passed away to enter glory. All I remember that morning was I didnt want him to enter glory, I didnt want him to go to heaven, I didnt want him to die. I wanted him with me... so selfish. Practically hateful. He was finally in peace dancing with the father and I wanted him back?!?!?! horrible. but yes I wanted him back. I was told he passed away during lunch at school. I ran out of the room and into the school basement where I found ( to weird surprise) my friends down there crying. They heard too. I couldnt and would not cry. I remember going to our dear friend Jenis house because me and my friend savannah were asked to speak at his funeral so we needed to write out what we were going to say. There we talked alot, Laughed alot, and remembered. I did not cry. That night I was in my basement listening to porclien heart ( barlow girls) and stressing out emmensly over homework. My dad came down stairs and I screamed all my anger and hurt onto him. He looked at me, sat down next to me wrapped his arms around me and that was it..... I bawled. It finally clicked. Ian was gone.... I remember that the only thing I could say for the rest of the night was HES GONE. I didnt care that he was with Jesus or that he wasnt hurting anymore I just wanted my best friend back. I cryed and cryed and cryed that night. I didnt sleep and I remember screaming, but i dont remember why. For the next few months I decided I was done with God. I just didnt care anymore. I reasoned that my hurt was a big enough excuse. So selfish. My pain was no excuse to demanding God to stay away from me. So silly!!! Gods arms were there offereing healing and joy and I said no. I wont ever do that again. Once I finally let God deal with my heart I understood, and appreciated his healing. His full and complete healing. I excepted his neverending invatation to expirience his prescence for the first time in months and it was incredible and lifechaning. He took me out of all my depression and I can only imagine the breathless amount of glory my friend is living in now.I still feel like my friend has been taken away from me in such a way that I can never have him back. I keep feeling like Im waiting for him to walk up to me and tell where the heck he has been. But he was never mine, but fully Gods and I will see him again.Gods healing is abundant and He reminded me that i am NEVER ALONE.

"I will never leave you
I will never forsake you"

I will miss you and I love you Ian. :)


So Close

I got my hair cut last night :) I love it, for me it looks a ton different and I just really needed that change. :)
Now im just gonna cut to the chase.
I need another kind of change, I need a holy moment. I need to feel the presence of God surrounding and consuming, overwhelming me!
_tag is tonight and Im sooo excited. I wont take distractions and I wont be denided from his prescence.
I was at yellow tribe last sunday night and Matt talked about how most of the time
we beg God for the flood.
We beg him to break open the heavens and rain down the flood.
but what does a flood do? It mauls down and destroys everything in its path. We need that sometimes.
Sometimes we just need our whoel hearts, and minds, and bodies to be wrecked before the Lord.
But not this time. No what I really want is a sprinkle, a refresh, I just want to dwell in the sprinkle of his all consuming, cause that even to me will feel like a down pour. Im just wanting to linger in his presecence. I want my mind and heart to be renewed. I want to feel close to him again.
I have done nothing wrong lately, or ignored God, or straid from his path in any huge way that makes it hard for me to come back.
I have simply become content at where my life is and now I have become hungry.
Now I want to be shaken up, and I want to feel close to him again. I want his CLOSENESS.
Not just tonight though, no. I want that everyday. I want everday to walk in his radical presence. Its the greatess feeling in the world to be with him is it not?
No it is the greatest feeling ever. And tonight Im asking to be shaken, for my heart to be stirred, to feel his closeness, and to witness a miracle.
Because feeling him move is a miracle in itself.
God is NEVER so far away that we cannot reach him, he is just so incredibly close that sometimes we just miss him.



I love days like this, days where its just me and God. I saw a book laying on my bookshelf called Passion and Purity and started skimming through it. I would like to share with you a few pages from it that I liked alot.

" Through affairs of the heart God uncovers our true intentions: [...whether or not it ws in your heart to keep his commandments. He humbled you and made you hungry; then he fed you manna.] So it is with us. We're created men and women. If Adam needed Eve and she was made for him, isnt it natrual then, isnt it all together fitting and proper, that men and women would hunger for each other? It is natural indeed. However, its not the only thing God has in mind for us. We are not meant to live merely by what is natural. We need to learn to live by the supernatural. Ordinary fare will not fill the emptiness in our hearts.Bread will not suffice. We need extraordinary fare. We need manna. How else will we learn to eat it, if we are never hungry? How will we educate our taste for heavenly things if we are surfeited with earthly? Sex, lust, and this generational definition of "love", will not suffice any more than bread will. My heart was saying, " Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long.." The Lord was answering "I must teach you to long for something better. He fed on manna which neither you not your fathers had known before, to teach you that man cannot live on bread alone but lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."

Wow......... right?
Lord teach us to long for things that are better. Never let me settle for bread, but give me your strength to wait and perservere for the manna. I have much to learn. And I want God to train me and discipline my heart for what greater is to come.
Jesus is saying to me what he said to his disciples. "There is still much I could say to you but the burden would be too great for you now." Sigh.
So I will wait and delight my whole self in each and every word that comes from the mouth of the father. I want to become the women he has designed me to be. I want to be a " Imperishable ornament,a gentle, an wuiet spirit, in the sight of God." I offer all I am to him, for him to mold me into who he wants me to be, only he can take this water and dust and turn it into fine jewles for his glroy. I am not strong in myself, I have not always known that either. But this is my prayer.....
For all my fear, Lord- your strength
For all my temptaion- your strength
For all my longings for the flesh- your strength

Good Day.


A Doctor Yes..... But Still So Much More

There is a man. He is a doctor.
He heals people. Hes a genius doctor, I mean he heals eyes, and broken bones, and brains too!
But whats really odd and special about this
doctor is that he can heal hearts too, yes in the physical sense but in the emotional,
and spiritual sense as well. He heals fears and scars, and depressions, and faults, and he can make you all better. This doctor has a message.
He loves you. He loves me too. He wants to take a look at you, to talk to you, to get to know
you a little better. Now dont be decieved, every doctor has there bluffs. This doctor ALREADY
knows you. He knows what hurts before you even step into his office. He knows exactely how
many hairs that are on your heard, he knows your weight and your height, he has no sin scale....
the nurse never needs to see if you are healthy enough or sick enough, the doctor wants to heal you. Everyone needs healing. This doctor ALREADY knows your eye color, your last name, your favorite drink, your boyfriends name, your gavorite converse, your passions, your desires, your birth marks, your addictions..... he knows it all. :) He just wants to talk.
To heal you. And teach you how to stay healthy. He wants you to get to know him too.

Then he will not always be a doctor to you. You will discover he is much more. :)

You will find out that he is sweet and sensitive. Powerful and Strong. And that he is the king of kings and Lord of all Lords and that he holds your entire world in his hand. He delights in you and everything he has made you to be. He is your creator. Your lover. Your father. And your relentless.
He has been pursueing you to win your heart from the very first day you were thought of in his mind. He comes to woe your heart with the night sky, the rolling waves, the magestic mountains, the soft snow, smiling faces, sweet songs, and courage for you to know that you are never alone.



I wish I was a better writer. I have so much on my mind and so much on my heart that i dont want to just type down and leave it, but i want to craft the words to sound beautiful. To form my true thoughts and emotions on this blog space the way i feel them. but... i will try the best i can right now.
It has taken me awhile to construct this blog. I keep saving it to my drafts because I dont know what im really writing about.
Does anyone else share the same love for being onstage. Its easier up there...
Isnt it? Eyes closed, I feel like its easier to breath. I dont get nervous when Im onstage in front of people.... ever. I like it. I like singing too. I sing all the time, just throwing sound around but when I really concentrate on my vowels and consanants and the meaning of the words flowing from my lips its new. Its the most amazing feeling. I would want to that forever. If I could eat singing, fall asleep singing, breathe it I would. Its the easiest and one of the most natural things in the world. But what if I sang loud enough for people to hear me?
Now. The people I live with would say that I most defenitely sing lound enough. But I meant.... what if my words made a difference. What if my voice made other people want to sing?
What could happen? Would people start there own melodys? Or sing along with me. I dont want to just drift threw life, I wanna make waves. I wanna sing, ALOT, and I wanna be happy, but not just happy all by myself. I want the whole world to see it. :)


A fathers view on things

Well I thought Id go ahead and do some unescesarry sharing of my love life. well my love life isnt really much considering im 14 but i am okay with that :) haha I like a boy. He likes me. But that will stay unsaid for awhile, just the way it should be. Its obvious he likes me and Its obvious I like him so words just arent needed. But this boy talked to my dad today while I was at school. And here is what my dad had to say about it :) ( yes I did take this boys name out :D) haha


Lincoln Brewster sings a song, a worship song, named "You Are The One". The song gives honor to God for who he has been as Creator, as Lord and Leader of our life. "You are the one, you are holy, you are the one, you are worthy, you are the one, you are the one, everlasting, Lord you are the one" That is a simple part of the song, yet the most profound declaration of love we can express toward an Eternal and All Powerful God who has allowed us to come into his presence and to remain near him through the power of His own Love and Sacrifice.

This is The Father's Love at work and our cry back to him in thanks and recognition that He Alone is "The One".

You must know this about me, as your Dad, that is the my cry toward my God and is my number one desire for you. That you be a daughter of our King Jesus and that you be so captivated by HIM that you cry out with your words, heart and life, "You are the One". Everything, in my leadership over your life, has to make it past that filter. Everything!

My prayer is that you would have a heart set toward God all the days of your life and that nothing would take first place except your Father in Heaven, your creator and sacrificial lamb, through the deep and close abiding love of the Holy Spirit who walks and talks with you.

Now, on that note, let me explain that today I spent time with a young man named _____. As you know he is sweet on you and has asked to spend extra time getting to know you. He was polite and honorable in his approach. We discussed lots of things, but most importantly we discussed the way God works through relationships to teach us, lead us and eventually bring us together to represent His love for us in a wonderful relationship here on earth. It is too early to discuss who will become your spouse and best friend on the journey of life, but _____ was honorable in his approach to ask about spending time with you. We discussed boundaries and the process of NOT getting in too deep with words, emotions or touch. He seems like a good kid and a young man who is set on becoming a Man of God who is strong in the Lord.

I want you know that you have my blessing to spend more time getting to know him but that your heart is the one thing you have to protect. No man is worth your relationship with God and believe me, most men have no problem being in competition with God for a ladies heart. Most men want to compete and "win over" the ladies they are attracted to. So, you have to be very diligent to keep your love relationship with Christ front and center and only allow young men around when they can take the pressure of NOT being number one in your life. Most boys and men cannot handle that. Their ego, a God given ego, mind you, has not be trained to be humble and trusting. Rather, they want to make sure and re-enforce their dominance in your life regularly. Don't let that happen. Guard your heart, pursue God as if your very life depends on it, because it does. And along the way, if and when God puts a man in your life who you are called to share that pursuit of God with, you will look up, while running hard after God and see him beside you, running after God, in his own lane on the track, loving God, seeking God and wanting after nothing but God. Only then, will you know the earthly connection to that person as a pure and honest relationship. One that supports your purpose in God. Until then, don't take yourself too seriously when it comes to guys, enjoy their friendship, keep your heart, mind, body and spirit pure and consider the gift of your love to be the deepest treasure that is reserved for the one and only, while living a life of worship and never stop declaring to HIM, "You Are The One!!!"

I love you deeply and will never stop watching, guiding, praying and rejoicing over you. You are a wonderful young lady. Blessings on you forever!!!

Your Dad!!

I love you dad :)


no title justifys

I just got home from the Thorn. And obviously, the thorn being as incredible as it is.... has left me thinkning.
I was sitting there anticipating my favorite scences that move me the most. Heaven, Hell,Garden,Crucifiction, and Resurrection. Let me just say congrats to the martial artist! The garden scence was incredible and LITERALLY left me breathless. During the end of the scence when the disciples are waking up and Jesus is being arrested I leaned over to Zac and asked him " What if you were there? What would you have done?"..... And then I started thinkning about it. What would I have done? Knowing me I would have done nothing.... To scared to defend anyone and to scared to run. I imagine I would have just stood stunned. I mean here you are with your best friends on an already stressful night. Your savior tells you to pray and you dont, you sleep. Then all of a sudden you see Jesus arrest, tried, beaten, and killed all in about a couple hours. Your world has been rocked and slipped from underneath you. How would you know that hope still existed when it was burried in a tomb?It all happend so fast. Just *snap* like that. What would you do with the questions running through your mind.
The day that true loved died.


Today Is Sunday

10:30-12:30: Work in the nursery.
12:30-4: Hang out with my angel/ demon cast and my family
4-9: Practice :)
thank you :)


I want to be a better writer :)

I apologize in advanced for how choppy and High school girlish this blog may be :)

Im home alone right now. Today has been a long- longish day.
Wake Up- 60clock
Coffee Run With Jessie ( ending in me getting Zac coffee instead :D )- 6:45-7oclock
Crown Rehearsal- 7-2 oclock
:) Today has been fun. But now I am tired, alone, in need of shower because I have black paint all over me, and I am looking for something productive to do. Get my thoughts out? maybe.
My favorite way to relax lately has been to close the door in my bed room crack the blinds so that there is a stream of light in the room, turn up my Kari Jobe cd, open my journal and bible ( and whatever book i might be reading) and just lay there for hours and hours listening to the songs over and over. All of them speak to me so much. Im loving it.
I have just been so up and going lately that in those times God really speaks to me.
I think Im learning alot more about myself too. I have realized that I want alot of heart work inside of me happen before dating. Its hard, sometimes though. But I think I need to learn more,get more scripture in me, and let the brothers around me do the same before God can start pointing out possible candidates. I fasted conversational texting this past week (ended yesterday) and I think that it grounded me a little bit.
I need that everyonce in awhile. Thats how I am. I like to live like full force.
My mom says the word is INTENSE.
I hate that word but sure I guess thats what it is. I like new things.
I like freefalling.
I like adventure, but sometimes I need to chill out :) haha
You know what else Im also learning?
That Im not alone. That there are actual girls my age living the same way I am, living through things I am, and learning just like I am. Thats kewl. And sometimes it gets me in line and shows me where I stand, and how much growing in certain areas I really need before moving on. :)
I need to change things up a bit. In the summer time im cutting my hair ( not short just different) and getting ( unpermanate) teal high lights. SEE WHAT I MEAN? Im always looking for excitment. Change is good sometimes and then other time I hate it. Im in need of excitment right now. Or more so I think I am in a good place to go on an adventure. Like almost as if God has prepared me and set me up for one.

I dont know :) haha Im confusing myself.
Sorry about the High schoolishness :)


Pet Peeve

MY NEW PET PEEVE: When women disrespect men. Im sorry I know all about ( and if you really know me you know that i know FAR TO WELL) about all the abuse and disrespect inflicted onto naive women, and I have a huge HUGE heart for those women ( once again if you really know me you know this to be true.) BUT PEOPLE.... COME ON. ( well i should say WOMEN COME ON) Just respect men. and repect people as humans. This is NOT something that I have mastered. and 50% of the time i am not this way. But can we just talk to other people nicely? I see it everywhere! School, Crown, Home ( yes we are family :D it happens), with my friends everywhere! People just arent nice to each other anymore. But ok. Girls you know that more than anything.... we just want to feel loved. EY? am I right or am I right? Well men just wanna be respected. And its a hard thing to learn to most people now a days. But instead of being mean 50% of the time I would like it to be about 5% of the time ( leaving leverage for when I really need to punch someone in the face :D) Tonight was a good night overall. Love ya


Mysterious Grace and Lots of Reading.

Im not good at realtionships. Especially relationships with boys.... Ask my parents.... THEY KNOW. I have messed up a few times. I dont like messing up and I have had a constant fear of failing in the front of my mind for what seems like forever.My first born side coming out again I guess.but recentely God has been taking away that fear piece by piece. He has been showing me that his grace is new everyday and that I dont have to sin, but I can live and walk in his grace and peace knowing that I am forgiven. He has been showing me A BUTT LOAD about realationships too. 9 months ago I got out of my first real realtionship. I had went behind my parents back on several occasions and I look back now asking myself if I knew what love was and if I knew what I was giving away. I was asking myself last night why I had so little consideration for my future husband. For those of you who really know me you can say ( I hope) that I am not boy crazy. But I am still a girl and I had my 7 months of fun that ended 9 months ago. The relationship ended right before I started High school. hah God has a very mysterious, stuble way sometimes of shining his grace on us. but not this time... nope this time it was a DING DING DING FLASHING LIGHTS kind of a deal where Gods grace was overflowing in my life and I missed it. I had always vowed to myself, God, and my parents ( never thinking of my future husband) that I was not going to date in High school. And then God ended my unhealthy relationship before high school. Do you see my point or am I making no sense at all?!?!?!. To me it just seems amazing. Even though I disobeyed my parents, and even though i didnt end the realtionship when I was told God still gave me the chance to do what I had promised I would do. MYSTERIOUS GRACE. Why did he do that? I have been thinking about this all day and wow.... I guess me must love me. I mean thats all I can really come up with right now. :) but now Crown has started and God has given me the chance to have a relationship the right way. I like a boy. yes. I have a quick emotional rebound, thank you im 14. but in all seriousness that fear of failure is hurting my heart and it terrifys me. I was reading a blog from a friend and she is pretty much going threw the same thing as me but she is much much farther down the road. I was reading her blog wondering if she was stalking me or something. I dont know but anyways shes 15 and is in a realtionship with a 17 year old. Her parents and sisters, and his parents are very much involved in their relationship. I like that. Thats how it should be. I will never EVER go into another romantic relationship without the team help, advice, and accountability of my parents. God has told them and will tell them what my boundaries need to me, they will tell me, and i WILL obey them. ( The fear of God.... what a powerful thing) Im reading a book called " When God Writes Your Love Story" and it starked a thought in my mind. Meanwhile my dads talking to someone and is telling him how amazing his eldest daughter is and all that jazz, when I send him a text saying " Hey dad, If I was having a unpure realtionship with God, would he tell you? terrifying him. All I got back in response was " You need to call me." With that all worked out I still cant get away from this book, or my bible, or my journal. God is just overflowing me with all these words on relationships. Its starting ot overload my hardrive. Today I had to leave school because I got a concussion this weekend and I didnt have a note to give to my school saying i was allowed to come back. ONCE AGAIN. the MYSTERIOUS GRACE, is upon me. Me and my best friend havent had a good conversation about life in an eternity and today we just talked and talked and talked ( shes home sick which obviously.... made it ok that we were talking). AAHHH GRACE :) Lets juts rest in it! anyways! SO Ya Gods been showing me how important it is to have a team of accountabily, support,and advice around you when you step into a romantic relationship, or any relationshp for that matter. My ideal team consist thus far... My parents, My best friend, and my mentor and her husband. i dont want to do this alone again. NOW! I am not saying all of this had comprimised my thoughts and that now i am dating. nope. this boy i like? has never heard that come from my mouth. but i am saying that I want to approach ALL realtionships differentely now. I have also been reading and have been thinking about How do you know that God wants me to be in this realtionship? Well I think that if my relationship with a person had pushed me closer to God and not hindered my most important relasionship with him that it is a realtionship from God. Did that make sense? what I mean is..... if ur relationship with a person isnt hurting the most important one... then ur good. But you still need that team of support around you. God has also been straining on my heart the importance of Guarding your heart and your mind. " And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Keep god at the center of EVERYTHING. And never try to squeeze God around your life but fit your life around God. Ask God to guard your heart and emotions, your mind and and thoughts. and your eyes because your eyes feed your soul. In a realtionship this is important. Because your heart and mind should be concecrated and set apart for Christ and not of this other person. Gods timing is also very important. Everything happends for a reason.... and Everything happends in Gods timing.
I dont know if any of this made sense but those are my thoughts :)
Living In His Mysterious Grace.


Deaf Ears Can Hear.

I dont know how I could live, if I was deaf. How could you live without hearing music or the piano or the wind... or the ocean or voices, or even annoying sounds like fingernaisl scrathcing on a chalkboard. hah just joking id live without that noice for sure! But seriously! I think I would go insane! But it makes me wonder how God speaks to those people. If I became death, without God I think I would easily and quickley, fall into a depressing darkness. But... God can speak to people in there own special ways. I want to here angels sing and I wonder if a deaf person is easier touched by the sound of the supernatural because they are not listening with the flesh of their ears but the soul in there hearts. They are open in a whole new way. haha then again maybe not. :) Great night at tag tonight! It was a special night... NIGHT OF DESPERATION! Im sooo excited for the actual conference this summer! Only in two hours of whorship tonight one of my best friends, friends from school accepted jesus for the first time and it was sooo exciting! One of my friends broke foot was healed! but see.... i dont want these kind of things to be so surprising to us! I want to live in the radical and supernatural everyday! I guess thats why im doing this fast. O ya i havent said anything about that! im fasting non-christian music for the year of 2010. I can imagine that it might get hard but then again thats why my lordy is there... to pull me threw :) I went to germany this summer and got the oppurtuniy to go to school with a girl named Leonie that went to the youth group at the church we were working at. welll..... SHES COMING TO AMERICA TO STAY WITH ME! :):):):) Please be praying that her flight will be safe and that the time she has here is well spent! Im really praying and hoping everything goes well and im super excited!!!! :) well goodnight all! :) BLESS YA

me and leonie!


" Even the demons......"

Ian Lyons :) the day before he turned 13
and 9 months before he saw the glory of God.

James 2:19 " You believe that there is a God. Good! Even the demons believe that and shudder." Ok! So this is where Im at. Crown season. But this season is different. I am playing the role of a demon as always but this year seems harder. Maybe its because of school, maybe its because of all the additional scenes.... but this year is harder. That verse up there. THATS EXACTELY HOW I FEEL LIKE! Im believing God is taking control of this production and then again, im shuddering. Im tired and my legs HURT. really really hurt. I dont like egging on people to "CRUCIFY HIM!" I really really dont like it. I HATE it. I dont like acting demonic while the song " He loves us" is playing. But Its easy to get into this character for me and its something kids need to see and hate. So ya this isnt just me complaining that my fighting partner ( zac smith) and I dont have our fight down, my hip popped out of place tonight, and my legs feel like jello.... no i have a point. The point is can we become exhausted for God in tiny practical ways like this?...............................Can we glorfiy him through petty pain and aches? Why not?

I have something else on my mind. IAN. One of my close friends, and he died in April of cancer. my 13 year old friend ( one day younger than i) died from caner. I just dont get how MY friend could...... die. I just dont even understand it. I had a dream last night about him. He was back, as if he never died but simply left somewhere and all this time i have been waiting for him to come back so i can tell him all that he has missed. He was really really cute in my dream and I hugged him and exclaimed about how much he had missed while he was "gone". He just laughed and said " r u kidding me? YOU have missed everything! Its a party up there!" I didnt like that, because i suddenly remembered that he had DIED and was now back. I woke up and was sure Ian was back, it was only until I started getting ready for school that I remembered. Trying to strech out of my Colorado, TCA, bubble these reality moments come and go at free will. Its just something that I have been thinking about today. Goodnight Everyone :)


Saying Goodbye Better End With a Hello...

Tonight was the parsley last night in Colorado. Zach ( at the far right) is one of my really good friends. Me my best friend Savannah, Matt ( in the green) and Zach all had a long night tonight. If you didnt already know the Parsleys and the Staroses ( matthews family) are headed down to texas to start a church plant there called ONE Chapel, in Austin. Tonight at Tribes, our freshman disciple ship group, all prayed over zach and had some laughs about hilarious things that have happened and me and savannah and matt all shared things that have happend threw zach to effect us over the past three years we have all been freinds. we cryed some and tomorrow at 11 o clock the Parsleys will be on their way. The Stavros's will be moving over the summer. Zach is a great leader and I think most of us are scared of whats gonna happen now that hes gone... well at least... I am. Zach and Matt have been best friends since 1st grade and savannah and zach have known each other since preschool is its kinda like our solid, stay the same kind of foundation we look to for guidance at school especially is slipping from under us. Through this I think we all, including zach, will learn to rely on God and not so much on each other. Zach will be back in 3 months for the summer. 3 months that im betting $ on will feel like a lifetime.
" life is likea burrito. If you jump the boarder its free" - dedicated to zach :) I love you big brother :)
Brothers saying goodbye..... for now. ( Matthew and Zach tonight at Tribes)


Photography I like; Deviantart.com

Destiny changing Destiny

Last Monday Yann Yann (in the blue and white stripes) came to visit us. yann yann and wei wei shared a crib in their orphanage in China. yann Yann got adopted a month before Elias did. Coincidencedently enough they are both named El. So I will just refer to them by there chinese names! :) Yann Yann is missing his left arm, and it doesnt slow him down at all! Hes so cute and amazing. When yann yann and his family walked threw the door Wei Wei went YANN YANN!!!!!!! But it was only because we talked about him so much that Wei Wei knew who he was. Wei Wei couldnt see when he was at the orphanage in China so we arent really sure if he knew what yann yann looked like until he came to visit. We went to the basement and gave them their space but they just acted like it was there own house and their own toys and didnt act like they knew who each other where. After lunch yann yann started crying and thats when it seemed like everything clicked for wei wei. He looked at him as if he had heard that cry before. We went to the park after their naps and they seemed to warm up to each other. Ever since we adopted Eli I have gotten a huge heart and burden for the country of China. As I typer Eli Zhang Wei is sitting here on my lap listening to music and drinkning milk holding onto my arm, its just us everyone else is gone. In these kind of special moments with my brother I have to wonder. What if we didnt apodt? Or what if who we adopted wasnt him?