Im not good at realtionships. Especially relationships with boys.... Ask my parents.... THEY KNOW. I have messed up a few times. I dont like messing up and I have had a constant fear of failing in the front of my mind for what seems like forever.My first born side coming out again I guess.but recentely God has been taking away that fear piece by piece. He has been showing me that his grace is new everyday and that I dont have to sin, but I can live and walk in his grace and peace knowing that I am forgiven. He has been showing me A BUTT LOAD about realationships too. 9 months ago I got out of my first real realtionship. I had went behind my parents back on several occasions and I look back now asking myself if I knew what love was and if I knew what I was giving away. I was asking myself last night why I had so little consideration for my future husband. For those of you who really know me you can say ( I hope) that I am not boy crazy. But I am still a girl and I had my 7 months of fun that ended 9 months ago. The relationship ended right before I started High school. hah God has a very mysterious, stuble way sometimes of shining his grace on us. but not this time... nope this time it was a DING DING DING FLASHING LIGHTS kind of a deal where Gods grace was overflowing in my life and I missed it. I had always vowed to myself, God, and my parents ( never thinking of my future husband) that I was not going to date in High school. And then God ended my unhealthy relationship before high school. Do you see my point or am I making no sense at all?!?!?!. To me it just seems amazing. Even though I disobeyed my parents, and even though i didnt end the realtionship when I was told God still gave me the chance to do what I had promised I would do. MYSTERIOUS GRACE. Why did he do that? I have been thinking about this all day and wow.... I guess me must love me. I mean thats all I can really come up with right now. :) but now Crown has started and God has given me the chance to have a relationship the right way. I like a boy. yes. I have a quick emotional rebound, thank you im 14. but in all seriousness that fear of failure is hurting my heart and it terrifys me. I was reading a blog from a friend and she is pretty much going threw the same thing as me but she is much much farther down the road. I was reading her blog wondering if she was stalking me or something. I dont know but anyways shes 15 and is in a realtionship with a 17 year old. Her parents and sisters, and his parents are very much involved in their relationship. I like that. Thats how it should be. I will never EVER go into another romantic relationship without the team help, advice, and accountability of my parents. God has told them and will tell them what my boundaries need to me, they will tell me, and i WILL obey them. ( The fear of God.... what a powerful thing) Im reading a book called " When God Writes Your Love Story" and it starked a thought in my mind. Meanwhile my dads talking to someone and is telling him how amazing his eldest daughter is and all that jazz, when I send him a text saying " Hey dad, If I was having a unpure realtionship with God, would he tell you? terrifying him. All I got back in response was " You need to call me." With that all worked out I still cant get away from this book, or my bible, or my journal. God is just overflowing me with all these words on relationships. Its starting ot overload my hardrive. Today I had to leave school because I got a concussion this weekend and I didnt have a note to give to my school saying i was allowed to come back. ONCE AGAIN. the MYSTERIOUS GRACE, is upon me. Me and my best friend havent had a good conversation about life in an eternity and today we just talked and talked and talked ( shes home sick which obviously.... made it ok that we were talking). AAHHH GRACE :) Lets juts rest in it! anyways! SO Ya Gods been showing me how important it is to have a team of accountabily, support,and advice around you when you step into a romantic relationship, or any relationshp for that matter. My ideal team consist thus far... My parents, My best friend, and my mentor and her husband. i dont want to do this alone again. NOW! I am not saying all of this had comprimised my thoughts and that now i am dating. nope. this boy i like? has never heard that come from my mouth. but i am saying that I want to approach ALL realtionships differentely now. I have also been reading and have been thinking about How do you know that God wants me to be in this realtionship? Well I think that if my relationship with a person had pushed me closer to God and not hindered my most important relasionship with him that it is a realtionship from God. Did that make sense? what I mean is..... if ur relationship with a person isnt hurting the most important one... then ur good. But you still need that team of support around you. God has also been straining on my heart the importance of Guarding your heart and your mind. " And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Keep god at the center of EVERYTHING. And never try to squeeze God around your life but fit your life around God. Ask God to guard your heart and emotions, your mind and and thoughts. and your eyes because your eyes feed your soul. In a realtionship this is important. Because your heart and mind should be concecrated and set apart for Christ and not of this other person. Gods timing is also very important. Everything happends for a reason.... and Everything happends in Gods timing.
I dont know if any of this made sense but those are my thoughts :)
Living In His Mysterious Grace.