Goodbyes

Two of my best guys friends and my sisters very best friend have moved in the past few months. Its hard standing there thinking back at every joke, every hug, every football game, every school dance, every prayer meeting, every church service when me and my friends got there three hours eary and three hours late to work our butts off to serve. When I think about our prayer meetings especially or the times when me zach and matt and my friend savannah would go to coffee and talk.... im sad because those were the best times. When Gods prescence was there something beyond friendship happend. I know Im 14.... more tragic things are bound to happen, but it seems to me that in my perfect little colorado springs new life church world im starting to beg God for something constant.

I remember times in the furnace prayer room and we would all the crying and praying together cause God would just throw his flame on us all at the same time and we would all be broken. Ive been extremely lucky to have these guys in my life. Zach Parsley was the most sarcastic, pessimistic guy out there and that was just the way we loved him :) he was hilarious, and retarted all at the same time. Matt Stavrose and me were so close. He was my big brother, both of them were but me and matt really were like best friends. We shared the same birthday, and locker :) We sat next to each other to and back from germany and we just had fun together. He told me how girls were so annoyingly emotional and I told him how I hated how savannah and I always faught over everything. I am emotional. So here I am crying that tonight was the last night Ill see matt for a really long time. Zach moved months ago.... I cryed then too.

Role Model

Is this woman not amazing???? Shes on AMERICAN IDOL proclaiming the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. The Judges comments are funny and retarted but man..... she can sing baby :) She can sing.

SO! new blogs set up! Im gonna start finding videos and posting them and blogging about them. sounds kewl? haha well see how it goes!! :)

peace

Happy

I just realized that its only 10am. I laughed when I realized because Im usually not up this early but I have been up for hours and hours and I still have a whole day left! I found this new song called Take My Hand by Shawn McDonald.

This song makes me so so so happy :) Im gonna make a collage ( or however you spell it) of all the things that make me really happy and put some of the lyrics from this song on there :) As Im writing out all the things that make me really happy it really is sort of a self discovery process.... just learning one more side of myself. I dont know why some of these things make me happy... they just do. things like eating ice when all my drink is gone from the cup make me happy.

im a freak. i know thanks anyway.

but seriously!!! try making a list of all the things that make you really happy... think about really hard to, think about what you do on a daily basis that you just... LIKE doing, that maybe even have become a habit for you :)

Good day :)

Lets be real.

Have you ever felt like you were totally on top of the world?

lets call it your happy place.
Where you feel the most free, the most confident, the most......
happy. The place where you dream your craziest dream. Does anybody else wish that life came with that little soudtrack thats always playing in the background? I do... All the time.

I dont really know what to write about I just know that I have about 100 drafts saved on this thing from blogs Ive started and then quickley lost inspiration and gave up. So Im just gonna be real. The intro up there at the top.... really are my real thoughts that I just dont know how to write it. Its just in my head. Kinda like a dream! you know when you have a crazy dream and you try to explain it someone but you just cant, because in the dream it totally made sense but.... when you try explaining it you realize how confusing and "made up" it sounds. Thats how my life seems right now. Hard to explain, hard to figure out when Im talking about it... or..... blogging about it. But God, crazy enough, is moving in all of this. Hes humbleing me and teaching me to trust in him and not to lean on my own understanding. He is helping me to get over who I think I am and he is showing me who I am really am..... but then he reminds me.

" I love you anyways."

Through this whole 40 day fast I havent really had that hard of a time, aside from the normal temptations. But I have had a hard time sleeping. Three nights ago I had a "episode" or something and basically I panicked in my sleep and I couldnt wake up. My moms been giving me sleeping pills so I can fall asleep. But last night I just heard God calm my heart over and over again. Im learning that the place of God can just wash away all fear, all anxiety and give complete, supernatural, internal rest...... and it restores all joy.
He Is My Peace.